This is how I fall in love with every version of him

He wasn’t the person he was when I met him three years back, although I loved that person.. the person I saw him grow into is far more incredible.

When I first met him, I saw a version of him that was scared of commitment, who hated the word love, who didn’t do relationships, who hadn’t yet even found himself and loved himself so he was incapable of loving another human being. I saw a man who has been through too much his heart could handle, and the scars showed the hurt and the way his eyes would avoid mine in fear of feeling.

When I first met him he was closed off. He refused to let me in even the slightest bit other than intimacy. I wasn’t looking for a fling, nor a relationship but he kind of just fell into my lap. With him, I wanted to build a friendship first.. I knew that was the only way to get to his heart.

First things first he had to cut things off with his girlfriend, once that was out of the way I knew it would still be a battle.. months went by and constant back and forth but one thing never changed, I never left him feeling alone. And even when he would tell me to leave him alone and he needs to focus on his relationship or himself or whatever it was, I would still be there at the end of the day, and in time he saw that. The consistency.

We started dating and I saw another version of himself. A man who was petrified to fall. A man who convinced himself and everyone else but me that he wasn’t a relationship kind of guy. I begged to differ. I knew he wasn’t ready for stable consistent love, but unconditional love was all he needed.

Over time, he started to notice the little things I would do. The way I would look at him. The way I would kiss him. The way I would listen to him. Still, he denied any type of love, which I still, understood from his rocky past.

I sacrificed my happiness for a long time in the process with him. I spent nights crying and confused as to why he did the things he did. I tried my best not to let it get to me or to just leave him, but I couldn’t. He was it. He was my work in progress. He was something worth waiting and fighting for.

Overnight it clicked. I had left him after countless times of telling him I loved him. Countless nights waiting up for him to get home from the club, countless nights of questioning his motives. I left. And that’s when it all clicked. He loved me. He had loved me for awhile but he never had the fear of losing me. He never knew it was real love. He never knew the feeling of absence of another human being until I left him. 

Now three years later, I have seen about 15 different versions of the man he is, I love every one of them. He is my bestfriend, soulmate, forever. Love isn’t easy. Love isn’t simple. Love isn’t always roses and fairytales. It’s hard. You need to want it bad enough. You need to know the person is the one you want forever with. And if that person is your forever, they will come around. You must be patient for the things you want in life. You must be ready to accept any challenge the two of you could possibly face together. You two must be strong enough and passionate enough to want to face a million and one more challenges TOGETHER.. love.. you must know what the word means. You must know the person who makes you believe “love”.. 

What I learned dating someone with a different ethnicity/culture

We grew up completely different lives..

While a lot of things were similar, more were different. When you meet someone with different opinions or morals or point of views, you must not be quick to judge. Everyone grows up differently. Sometimes for better but sometimes for worse. When I met my soulmate I knew there were things I’d have to dig deep to figure out. A lot of the time at home lifestyles are very different. And parents raise their child differently than you. I had to open my mind and be understanding.. If you do your best to open your mind and try to put yourself in their shoes, you will get along better and help them grow significantly. 

We don’t have the same religious or culture..

It’s okay! At first it may be difficult. As a couple, you will probably argue and disagree on quite a few things but it is OK. Everyone will see things differently. What I learned is it’s okay not to agree on everything. It’s also okay to compromise and change your views. Growing up with different cultures can be exciting. Having both worlds is fun, different food, language, atmosphere. I learned to get comfortable fast and not be afraid of change. I always was nervous for change but once I experienced different things, I realized it’s fun!

We probably won’t get along sometimes..

Different ethnicity and cultures tend to have different perks.. some get angrier quicker, some are calmer, some are easy going, some take more things to heart than others, some feel differently. But at the end of the day we’re all human beings. We all have feelings, emotions, thoughts. We all have bad days good days hard days. I learned that while dating a man who has a short temper, it’s okay to let things go. While I used to be stubborn, I pick and chose my battles. It’s okay to apologize even if you’re right and to stop an argument before it escalates. People of different cultures may see things as bigger or smaller deals than others. Try your best to see yourself from another’s point of view..

Lastly, when it comes to racial comments and political debates, UNDERSTAND. 

I by no means am perfect. I have said things and thought things that weren’t right. But when I started dating someone from another ethnicity, everything changed. I met more people of different cultures, I saw more, I heard more, and it’s sad sometimes. My boyfriend came here at 4.. no choice, and he was forced to grow up in America. He didn’t know any better or know what that meant or what he would have to go through. But him as well as his four sisters were brought to this country to get a better life. As he grew older he started understanding more and more but still things were always blurry. Why he didn’t grow up like the kids in his class, why the white kids seemed to have better lives, more rights, freedom, more things, more love from their families. Over the years I have seen racial comments everywhere. Tv, commercials, in school, hearing adults talk. But I never really listened. Or thought it would ever affect me. Now at 20 years old, I finally see the clear aspects of it. I see the unfairness that a lot of people from different cultures have to go through. The hate and struggle. I see his friends who have been here over 40 years with children and families who are now in a scared position that they may get sent back to their country. Than I see my boyfriend, 24, who has been here twenty years and still doesn’t have the rights he deserves. He still doesn’t get the credit he deserves. Hard working and still has to deal with the struggle of not being “American”. To me, American is loving the country. The opportunity. And giving back to the country. 

When we have kids..

So when we have children, white and Hispanic, I will teach my child both languages, both cultures, both backgrounds. I will teach my child that is an American about the struggle and to be appreciative of the life they were given for some weren’t as lucky. I will teach my child to be open to all colors of people. My daughter or son will date someone regardless of the race, white black spanish anything they want. My child will learn about true love and how it brought together mommy and daddy regardless of our culture. My child will never know the word race and it will not matter. My child will be brought up with nothing but love and great knowledge so maybe our future generations, racism will never be a factor. It will be the norm. 

Anxiety 

Anxiety is real. It exists. For all of those who think it’s made up or people fake it, I’m here to explain how it feels. I’m here to explain the cruelty of it.

I never had anxiety growing up.. up until high school I didn’t even know what it was. As stress built up and my thoughts took over my head, the days felt like years, and soon enough I was up in the middle of the night shaking and crying and some of the time I didn’t even really know why. It just happens.

Anxiety can sometimes get worse in time. I was one to never deal with change well and with relationships, I was always giving too much and not getting anything in return. The nights laying awake shaking and frusturated seemed to get worse. Even worse, nobody believed me. Everyone said I was just having a bad day or that I was upset and stressed out. Everyone said I can control it. Everyone is wrong. 

You can’t control anxiety. Anxiety takes over you. It makes you overthink the worst possible scenarios. In some cases it causes you to make yourself depressed or sick to your stomach. Anxiety is one of the worst things you can ever experience. Because you can’t fight against it. Your head will overflow and overflow with thoughts and worries and it will cause your body to get nervous and shake and not sleep.. 

Anxiety is brutal, if you know someone who suffers from it, be understanding, be a good listener, but most of all, believe them.. and be there for them. Anxiety is a lot less painful when you have a loved one holding you. 

This is why you should date the girl who waits for you..

A few years ago, I was indeed the “fool” as everyone said that was waiting for a guy to come around and come to his senses.. and here’s why I encourage you to choose the girl who waits.

She genuinely cares for you.

Nobody is going to wait around for anyone or anything unless they are sure that their feelings are real and true. She isn’t going to sit around for nothing, if she’s patiently waiting for you, I promise there’s a lot more there than you think. She knows her feelings aren’t going anywhere, she’s confident they will not change nor fade. She lets you have space, time, whatever you need, because she knows in her heart how she feels and she loves you enough to be patient until maybe one day you admit your feelings too.

She has patience, but most of all she understands why you do the things you do.. And she’s okay with it(for now).

I’m not saying she’s going to wait FOREVER for you. But she will wait quite some time in hope one day you come to her. The thing about a girl who genuinely loves you, she understands you on a more complex, deeper level than anyone else you’ve ever come in contact with. She gets that sometimes everything isn’t so easy. Sometimes it can be hard, difficult, confusing, complicated, and as much as she wants to slap some sense into what’s in front of you.. she understands you must figure it out on your own. She understands she isn’t your girlfriend, or has any kind of label right now, perhaps you’re with someone else or you’re entertaining other women, and even though the odds aren’t with her right now, she’s happy for you because your happiness will always come before her own.

She promises to wait for you, and not let anyone else entertain her time.

Even if you’re out at the club.. or partying.. or taking home other woman.. or spending time with your girlfriend.. whatever the case may be, she’s not doing the same. Not because she’s crazy or stupid, but because she knows where her heart is at and she knows what she wants. So even if you do not choose her, she’s not out trying to find someone else. She will always be there for you, even when you least deserve it. To listen to your relationship problems or pick you up drunk at 2am.. she will ALWAYS answer because you matter to her. She will never stop choosing you, over and over again. Despite her plans, she will always cancel if it means spending time with you. Even though all her friends are telling her to give up on you, that you treat her like trash, that she deserves better, she ignores it because she believes in you. Even at your lowest.

You probably won’t ever find a girl who can compare to her.. that’s a promise

She waits not out of false hope, or craziness, or sadness.. she waits because she sees potential in you, and most of all she sees potential of you and her together. She tries and tries because she sees a side of you nobody else does.

She will forgive you over and over after you have hurt her.. 

see, this is different. Because I promise it will change if you ever get her to keep as yours. She will not forgive you once she is yours, she will be stern and strong and independent. She will not let you walk all over her. But while you are not hers, she will be your punching bag. She will let you get away with things and act naive.. I promise she knows everything. She will never treat you the way you treat her because she loves you too much to ever see you hurt. She’s seen it enough through other woman damaging you, she will not be another one to the list. She will forgive and do her best to forget if it means you two growing together and the slight chance of making it..

She won’t add stress to your life once you are with her..

When you do realize she’s the one you want to be with.. she will not put pressure on you or make you question things. She will be simply happy you are hers and she will treat you with respect and love at all times. She will never take you for granted and always show her appreciation she has for you. When you only give her 25% effort some days, she will give the 75%, she will be your rock. 

But here’s the thing, she can’t wait forever..

Although she’s patient and she loves you more than anything in her world, she will one day get tired of waiting and trying. And if you take too long, she will get sick of the confusing mind games and realize perhaps you can never give her what she needs in a man. You will miss every phone call, text, times she would stop by in the middle of the night because you were lonely. You’ll miss her touch and the way she would look at you in awe.. And when missing her becomes too much and you pick up the phone to give her a call , realizing you shouldn’t have kept her waiting.. you better hope and pray to God someone hasn’t beaten you to it and gave her all the things you couldn’t…

And if you’re one of the lucky ones like I was you will be with the man who was rare, special, but most of all that I saw potential in and whom I waited for.. if he’s worth it, don’t listen to everyone else, wait for him. Understand him. Love him. 

Nothing else ever really made sense but you and I did

I don’t know why the grass is green or the sky is blue or why we are taught things that we never use in life. But I know one thing that’s true, you and i make complete sense. 

Out of the million questions I’ve ever had that remain unanswered, you were the only thing that I never once doubted, that I never once had to question. You understood me and I understood you, it was something we didn’t even have to discuss it came naturally.

You know I worry a lot about a lot of little things, but you are never a worry of mine. I used to be scared to fall in love, I was scared I wouldn’t feel it so strongly or that I would get my heartbroken and remain cold.. but when I fell in love with you, it happened in the blink of an eye. Our love is something so real I never have to question. 

I don’t know if I believe in fairytales and all those things were taught growing up. I don’t know if everything happens for a reason or sometimes you get hurt because better things are coming your way. But I’m happy we wet  picked for one another, I’m happy you’re the one I get to spend forever with, I’m happy I get to spend a lifetime loving you. 

Nobody really understood us. They believed it was impossible for the two of us to ever last. Maybe we once believed that too, but when people looked at us together, they could feel it too. The connection, the vibrations, the love. We are crazy in love, when I look in your eyes I see our future together I see all the greatness. Before I met you, I was never scared to lose anyone or anything, but when I laid in your arms I realized I may lose apart of me if you ever left me. That’s when I realized I needed to let my guard down, I needed to let you in.

I’m so thankful everyday for being the girl you changed for. And I’m so thankful for you being the guy I changed for. We thought soulmates was made up before we met. But now, it all makes sense. I understand how it’s possible to love someone so much. To do anything for that person. To grow with that person. So thank you for being you, thank you for being my person that I’m lucky enough to spend forever with, thank you for being the one thing in my life that always made sense 

He was the person everyone told me “I’m not supposed to fall in love with”.. here’s why I disagree

He was furthest thing from perfect, perhaps he was misguided or he hadn’t found himself yet.. he was the baddest of all bad boys you could possibly imagine. He was the guy girls would drool over, and the guy who would say anything to get them into bed. He was the king of all the players themselves. He was toxic to a heart like mine. A heart so big and full of love to offer. A heart that’s already been hurt before but still hadn’t given up on love. 

When I met him, he wasn’t the typical guy I would go for. Usually I’d go for the nice guy with a little bit of an asshole personality or I’d go for the guy who would give me the world but wasn’t neccasirly my type.. I would always settle because I liked playing it safe. I wasn’t much of a risk taker and in fact I was usually the one breaking hearts, not getting my heart broken. Because it’s better to hurt than to be hurt. I now have a whole new perception on that.

He was the guy that everyone had warned me to never ever ever fall in love with or even give a chance too. But for once, I followed my heart.. when I met him, the circumstances were not healthy.. he had someone else and he was still playing the fields and I knew what I was in for. He was the player that could never give up his game. He lived in the clubs and once 2am hit he would find some girl to bring home to fill the empty void he had in his heart and wake up in the morning feeling satisfied physically but emotionally he was torn apart. He was a guy that I knew had to have burned before for him to get the way he was. Because when everyone saw him as this player dickhead, I saw a hurt soul.. a soul that wanted nothing more to find true love.

He didn’t believe me when I entered his life offering friendship at the least, someone to be there for him. To listen. To understand. To lean on. But as months gone by and he would test me, he soon realized I wasn’t going anywhere and he couldn’t wrap his head around why. To this day I still don’t think I ever gave him a full honest answer for why I couldn’t give up on him but here it is…

“He was different, yeah maybe in a bad way but I saw past it. I saw the good. I saw what he had to offer. I saw the potential. I saw the change he could achieve if he found someone worth fighting for. Someone worth his time. Someone he could trust and be loyal too. Someone who wouldn’t leave. Someone who would know his past and accept it to look forward to the future. Someone who could teach him balance. Someone who could ease the anger, the temper, the bad thoughts. Someone who wouldn’t just be a girl to sleep with and someone beautiful and someone to have fun with, instead he needed someone so much more than that. He needed a girl who was strong and powerful. He needed a girl who would point out his wrongs but help him fix them. He needed a girl who would fight to show him she was worth giving up the bad past for. He needed a girl who would change him. A girl who would get rid of the insecurities. A girl who would fall in love with his flaws. A girl who would kiss his battle scars that he got from that one fight when he was 17 and a girl who would lay on his chest and listen about the girls who have broke his heart. A girl who would be faithful, loyal, and honest at all times. A girl who wouldn’t throw his past in his face the second an argument arose. A girl who would be warmhearted, a girl who has a past too and knows what it’s like to be looked at differently for something that happened years a go. A girl who would trust him over anyone else because she knew he would never risk what they have. A girl who would make his body shake when she would kiss him and a girl whose soul connected to his when they would make love. A girl who would stand by him, make him a better person, make him believe in a bright future, and most of all love him forever.. that’s why I stood by him. Because of all these things. Because I saw past the things people said, the person people would make him out to be. I saw a prolonged future with this man and I refused to let anyone tell me differently”

Sure it wasn’t easy. I’m not saying I promised him forever and he changed overnight. It was a process. A long long long process. It took months, years of hurting myself a majority of the time sacrificing my emotions because I had to have faith. I had to believe. I had to never give up since I knew this man was my soulmate. Something in me sparked one night laying beside him, we were laying in bed about three months after we had met, he was still with someone else and playing the fields but we were laying there so comfortable and kissing skin on skin. And just talking about life and how things can change in the blink of an eye. We were talking about relationships and how we stay with someone we don’t think we even love because it’s just routine and you know you can get away with doing your thing and you know you wont get hurt by staying with comfortability. And we were laughing and smiling at the dumb things we’ve done in our past, and I looked over as I was laughing and you were just smiling at me and looking at me. And I looked over and you quickly turned away. In that moment, I fell in love with you. I fell in love with the player who was toxic for me. But perhaps it was all I ever needed. I held that I love you in for months and months. I kept our friendship which was so important to me. And I let you do your thing. Hoping one day, you’d have that moment of “wow I’m in love with her”

A year following, you did. Well at least I finally heard it from you. I think it had to have happened prior but I heard the words I’ve been waiting for. You were committed. You were ready to give me the world. You were ready to change 180. You were ready to love me and take care of me. You were ready to let me in to finally let you see what true love should feel like. We were finally happy for the first time in our lives with somebody. No confusion, or secrets, we knew everything and anything we could possibly know about one another.

So here we are my friends, three years later since we met. So to all of the girls out there who fall in love with the player. It’s not impossible. Every guy will change for the one girl they see as their forever. So don’t let others give you false hope or belief. If you see potential. And if the connection and love is there, be patient. Let time do its thing.