As long as I’m loving you, I could write forever

—->The day I met you, I couldn’t imagine us making it through a full day together. Here we are three years later and a day apart seems unimaginable. You came at the worst yet best time looking back at it now. I didn’t understand why timing was bringing you to me at the wrong time but now it all makes sense. It was the perfect time. You came at a time where I fully gave up on finding love. You came at a time where you were looking for nothing serious. It sounds like the absolute wrong timing, doesn’t it? 

We found friendship. Such a complex incredible friendship amongst us. We got to know each other, we gave advice on relationships, explained our likes and dislikes, talked about our ugly past that we couldn’t show to anyone because our scars were too deep, we knew one another from inside out. We had soon discovered we were the same person. We had similar painful heartbreaks, we’ve seen real horrible things happen, we have both been through more than we should have. 

Our friendship was enough back then, you had someone, I was still dating and looking around. But I started to see an ongoing habit. I’d realized I started blowing off dates, not putting myself out there, acting like I was already taken, and worst of all.. not being true to myself. And him, that was even worse, he had someone but he started making excuses saying he’s tired or out with the boys just to see me. To feel my touch. To kiss my lips. It was all wrong but between us, nothing else mattered. In the moments together, it was an indescribable feeling.

Once I admitted my feelings, i never thought I’d see him again. It started being less frequent and the texts took longer. Months went by and we kept in touch here and there. Than he left her. I gave up on dating. We left fate in gods hands.

Three years later, I can give my friends advice. I can give hope. I can say that I truly believe in love. I can say I believe in soulmates. It’s the best feeling. To know someone’s your one. To know that’s the person you want to spend forever with. To be so sure you wouldn’t have it any other way. That’s love.

How being the girl on the side ended up in my favor

He was poisonous.

He was sexy.

He was dangerous.

He was what I wanted.

He was everything I knew that was completely bad for me. He was risky and bold and I was calm and closed off. He was the definition of a bad boy with a charm but I didn’t care, I needed him. I craved him from my first glance. 

Across the room I could see his eyes set on me. With her by his side, everyone in the room could feel the tension, the adrenaline rush, the temptation of the two of us. Everytime she would look my way I knew it was out of jealousy. Her wavy hair, blue eyes, chubbier body in that black dress. Than I was across the room, blonde pinstraight hair, green eyes, make up done up, and a white tight dress that showed every detail of my curves, my high heels. 

He was a little taller than me, dark beautiful brown eyes, smile that lit up the room, lips that looked so tasteful.

This wasn’t me though. I never was the girl to look at someone who was taken. I never was the girl to want a man who belonged to someone else’s. But I couldn’t deny my feelings, my thoughts, my urge.

The night flew by and all I could think about was him. I needed to see him again. Weeks went by and I went back to the place I last saw him. I went with a few friends for a drink or two and just to let loose and enjoy time with the girls. Not  even having the slightest hope I would ever see him again..

There he was across the room. Looked more perfect than last I saw him. This time, he was only with a friend, there was no girl lingering on his arm. He looked happier, more relaxed. He looked more himself from my point of view. 

My friends told me to stay away but I couldn’t listen. I needed to talk to him. 

As me and the girls were dancing I felt a man come up behind me asking to dance, it was him.. we danced and laughed and we went back to a table to chat. 

He was like nobody I ever met before. I never felt such attraction to anyone else in my life. I knew I was wrong for feeling that way but it was out of my control. I asked once where the girl was and he responded it’s complicated and he’ll explain later if he could.. I smiled and took his hand as he led the way to his car.

When we got back to his place I knew I shouldn’t be there. I knew this bed and this man weren’t mine to have. But I felt something I never felt before. Such a strong connection. I needed him.

He kissed me softly and things escalated pretty quickly. He asked if I was okay cause I looked nervous but I assured it was just very new for me to be doing something so wrong. He made it better though, his assurance was all i needed. Afterwards, I laid there and I couldn’t believe what had happened. Not only was the sex the best I ever had but the connection was indescribable. I needed him.

His situation was tough. His relationship wasn’t healthy. He wasn’t happy. He felt trapped and miserable. I understood. I told him to follow his heart. I always supported him. Whether it meant him staying with her and forgetting me. I knew this was possible when I involved myself in the situation.

Months went on and we’d see each other four times a week minimum. I started to wonder how he even made time for her. But I didn’t care. I deserved him, I knew I did. I knew I could make him happier. So I stuck around. To be a friend to him. 

As time went on things faded out with the two of them and he started to see I was still there for him. Through it all. Hearing about all of it. Giving advice. I sacrificed my happiness because I had hoped one day it would all be worth it. I had fallen deeply in love with him.

Years later we live together, we’re looking at engagement rings, and all of our friends are still in shock as to how we made it this far. When people ask my response is simply ” I knew I needed him from day one. There was something about him I knew I been missing my whole life.. now I wouldn’t trade any of it for nothing. We are who we are today because of the struggles”.

Nothing else ever really made sense but you and I did

I don’t know why the grass is green or the sky is blue or why we are taught things that we never use in life. But I know one thing that’s true, you and i make complete sense. 

Out of the million questions I’ve ever had that remain unanswered, you were the only thing that I never once doubted, that I never once had to question. You understood me and I understood you, it was something we didn’t even have to discuss it came naturally.

You know I worry a lot about a lot of little things, but you are never a worry of mine. I used to be scared to fall in love, I was scared I wouldn’t feel it so strongly or that I would get my heartbroken and remain cold.. but when I fell in love with you, it happened in the blink of an eye. Our love is something so real I never have to question. 

I don’t know if I believe in fairytales and all those things were taught growing up. I don’t know if everything happens for a reason or sometimes you get hurt because better things are coming your way. But I’m happy we wet  picked for one another, I’m happy you’re the one I get to spend forever with, I’m happy I get to spend a lifetime loving you. 

Nobody really understood us. They believed it was impossible for the two of us to ever last. Maybe we once believed that too, but when people looked at us together, they could feel it too. The connection, the vibrations, the love. We are crazy in love, when I look in your eyes I see our future together I see all the greatness. Before I met you, I was never scared to lose anyone or anything, but when I laid in your arms I realized I may lose apart of me if you ever left me. That’s when I realized I needed to let my guard down, I needed to let you in.

I’m so thankful everyday for being the girl you changed for. And I’m so thankful for you being the guy I changed for. We thought soulmates was made up before we met. But now, it all makes sense. I understand how it’s possible to love someone so much. To do anything for that person. To grow with that person. So thank you for being you, thank you for being my person that I’m lucky enough to spend forever with, thank you for being the one thing in my life that always made sense 

How I fell for my fwb(friends w benefits) without even realizing it..

When I met him, I saw a man that was hardworking, sweet, kind, and not looking for anything serious either.. He was a bad boy but something about him drew me in. Maybe it was the way he carried himself or the way he would smile at me.. I was so intrigued. I needed to know more. From the start, we made it clear we both weren’t looking for a relationship or anything serious for that matter. It was just going to be “for fun”. And that it was.

We became bestfriends overnight it felt like. We were so open and honest with one another and it was relieving being around someone who knew your intentions and didn’t expect the world from you. It was exciting and new and we both just wanted to enjoy what we had while it lasted. I was myself around him, I didn’t have to pretend or fake something I wasn’t. I was able to laugh and smile and goof around with him, that undeniably scared me. But I ignored it. The friendship we grew in such a short time was one I realized I was scared to lose.. And this is when I began to worry.. Was I falling for him?

Being comfortable with someone else is an amazing feeling. Not having to hide any parts of you and being able to talk to them about anything, its kind of just.. calming. After a few months of talking and hanging out here and there, I found out he had someone else. In that moment, I realized, “well shit.. I think I may be in love with him”.. it was crazy and I convinced myself I was losing it and who was I to have anything to say or to judge based on the situation.. I was a nobody. I was simply his bestfriend. I dated around and what not while we talked, but it was never the same. With him, I felt like I was on cloud nine. I felt like nothing else in the world mattered. I realized.. we had broke all the rules fwb are suppose to do.. Now what?

After all, we broke every single rule the more I looked at it. We became so comfortable with one another, we would find ourselves cuddling skin on skin and laughing and kissing.. We found ourselves sending random texts throughout the week when something good happens or you saw something that made you think of them..We began to get bothered when they wouldn’t answer our message right away, lowkey wondering what are they doing?is she with him?is he with her? are they thinking about me? Countless amounts of questions wed never admit. We began to rather hangout with one another instead of go out to dinner with our dates, or go to a party, or anything else.. because quality time was just “more fun”.We began being there for each other a lot more emotionally and realized no one quite understood us like one another.

Months and months go by, and suddenly one random night, we look at each other and realize we fell in love. Absolutely not on purpose, without plan, without even trying. We fell helplessly in love with one another. And that my friends.. is how you fall in love with your bestfriend without even noticing it.

Love isn’t supposed to be easy

This is the excerpt for a placeholder post.

Growing up we are taught that love is everything. That love will take away any problem you are going through or take away any kind of stress you have. We are taught love can turn our world inside out and make it perfect. We are taught love will be easy and fall into our laps when its ready too. I’m here to tell you why I disagree. I’m here to say that love isn’t all magic or fairytales or full of happily ever afters.

We think the second there is a problem in a relationship we should walk away, “it shouldn’t hurt to love right?” Wrong. So wrong. If it doesn’t hurt when your other is upset or angry or stressed, you don’t really love them. If your hurting when you get in a fight, youre doing it all right. Love is compromise, love is arguing and saying sorry ten minutes later because nothing is worth staying mad at, love is ugly words you know they don’t mean when theyre hurt by your actions or something you said, love is listening to them, being patient with them, forgiving them. Love is trusting them no matter who tries to get in the way or tear you guys apart(there will always be someone). Love is supporting them and never giving up.

Often.. people look for love in the wrong ways or places. First things first, never go looking for someone to love, you will not find them that way. People look for someone to fill the void of loneliness. People look for somebody to help them with insecurity issues or someone to take care of them or someone to support them financially, someone to make sadness go away from their past or present relationships with others. I see it everyday. People don’t even realize theyre not really in love until eventually one day youre confused as to why things didn’t work out? Because where was the real love? Where was the connection? The passion? The effort? The true love feeling?

Most people run the second things get rough. I, myself am guilty of this. The second you see bad overriding the god, you bounce, assuming there is no saving the relationship. I learned my lesson. Slow down. Don’t run away. Stay. Argue,bicker,yell,cry, let it all out. Just stay. Hear each other out. Communicate!! Stay because deep down you know theyre your person. Stay because you need them. Stay because you need to get through the bad to get to the good.

Love isn’t easy nor simple. Its messy, complicated, and chaotic. Its a constant rollercoaster of ups and downs. Its a journey that you never know what can be thrown at the two of you, but you have faith you can get through anything together. You need to look at the person you love and know there is no one else youd rather ride this journey with. And mean it. Love is beautiful at times but you need to be ready to face the ugly. You need to dig deep in one another and be prepared for anything. You both need to hurt and cry and understand ones flaws, to see if the love is really true.

Love is waking up everyday beside your person and falling in love more than yesterday. You never think its possible, but somehow it happens. Love is choosing the same person everyday no matter how difficult and a pain in the ass they can be. Love is knowing theres a billion options out there, but still only having eyes for your person. Love is a constant battlefield, it requires effort but most of all, it requires staying true. Love is looking at the person in the eyes and knowing nobody in the world couldn’t even come slightly close to comparing to them. “When I met you, I knew you were nowhere near perfect or easy to love, but I knew you perfect for me”. You must know what love is to feel it. You must find the one, your soulmate, your person before you can even understand the feeling. But my god, once you find it, cherish it, never take it for granted, fight for it, and embrace every moment.. Because not everyone is lucky enough to find true love. So if you do, never let it go.