•••••No one gets it, it just “works for us” 

Put anyone in our presence and they’ll laugh and question how we’ve gotten this far. They will say how crazy the two of us are and how all we do is find things to bicker about. They will nod their head and think in their own minds how a relationship like ours could never last a lifetime. And that’s perfectly okay. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. 
What most people around us, family, bestfriends, relatives do not understand is that this is what works for us. Because we can bicker and argue about what color the sky is and in ten minutes we’ll be all over each other kissing and holding hands. Because we can voice our so very different opinions and get angry when one doesn’t agree, but within a few moments we will be onto the next topic. Because we can’t stay mad at one another, no matter what. Between the two of us, we know for sure how nothing in this world could be big enough of a problem that we couldn’t get past together. 
The two of us don’t know much about how love works. Or why we fall in love. But we know that the two of us did and when we fell, we knew there was no turning back.
But I do know that when I first met you, it was already there. So you see, I didn’t really need to fall for you, I only needed to say hello. 

Sometimes, we meet the right people at the wrong times. And sometimes, the world makes love look really, really hard. But is it really that hard? Or are you just with the wrong person?

 

With him and I, it comes easy. The love, the connection, that “I know he or she is the one” feeling. Life is hard, yeah. We face problems and situations we must battle through. But the one you love shouldn’t ever be hard.
Everyone seems confused sometimes, they see the two of our stubborn like personalities and see how much we crash. They question how we forgive one another for the crappy pasts we both have had. They wonder how we forgive and love so hard. Because we love each other. Because at the end and beginning of each day there is no person in this world we would rather be laying next too. Because no one sees reality behind closed doors who we are when it’s us alone. The time that really really matters.
So that’s how it just works for us. We love. Hard. We love without limits or fear. We love with honesty and loyalty. We love for one another like it’s our last day here on earth. Cause without him, I wouldn’t be me.

How you know he really loves you.

You’ll know he really loves you when he not only tells you how important you are but shows it. He really loves you when he not only tells you his feelings but does everything possible to show you and constantly remind you. He really loves you if he’s honest and real. If what he has to say might hurt you but he knows his loyalty and word are better than secrets. 

You know he really loves you when he asks what’s wrong and refuses to shut up until you tell him. You know he really loves you when he really listens and doesn’t just pretend. You know he really loves you when he goes through the bad times with you and doesn’t watch you struggle alone. Even if that means him being uncomfortable. 

He really loves you when he is honest about his not so good past but shows and tells you everyday how you’re different. He really loves you when he owns up to the bad like cheating on his last girlfriend or getting in that fight at the bar. He trusts you enough to be honest and share anything with you. He really loves you when he talks to you about marriage family and a future. All of which he never discussed with anyone before  you. 

He really loves you everyday even when he’s not feeling his best or he’s had a bad day at work, he still gives you affection and holds you in his arms all night. He really loves you when you’re a mess and not the best version of yourself. 

He really loves you when he continues to show you day after day. Because his love for you can only grow, never fade. 

How being the girl on the side ended up in my favor

He was poisonous.

He was sexy.

He was dangerous.

He was what I wanted.

He was everything I knew that was completely bad for me. He was risky and bold and I was calm and closed off. He was the definition of a bad boy with a charm but I didn’t care, I needed him. I craved him from my first glance. 

Across the room I could see his eyes set on me. With her by his side, everyone in the room could feel the tension, the adrenaline rush, the temptation of the two of us. Everytime she would look my way I knew it was out of jealousy. Her wavy hair, blue eyes, chubbier body in that black dress. Than I was across the room, blonde pinstraight hair, green eyes, make up done up, and a white tight dress that showed every detail of my curves, my high heels. 

He was a little taller than me, dark beautiful brown eyes, smile that lit up the room, lips that looked so tasteful.

This wasn’t me though. I never was the girl to look at someone who was taken. I never was the girl to want a man who belonged to someone else’s. But I couldn’t deny my feelings, my thoughts, my urge.

The night flew by and all I could think about was him. I needed to see him again. Weeks went by and I went back to the place I last saw him. I went with a few friends for a drink or two and just to let loose and enjoy time with the girls. Not  even having the slightest hope I would ever see him again..

There he was across the room. Looked more perfect than last I saw him. This time, he was only with a friend, there was no girl lingering on his arm. He looked happier, more relaxed. He looked more himself from my point of view. 

My friends told me to stay away but I couldn’t listen. I needed to talk to him. 

As me and the girls were dancing I felt a man come up behind me asking to dance, it was him.. we danced and laughed and we went back to a table to chat. 

He was like nobody I ever met before. I never felt such attraction to anyone else in my life. I knew I was wrong for feeling that way but it was out of my control. I asked once where the girl was and he responded it’s complicated and he’ll explain later if he could.. I smiled and took his hand as he led the way to his car.

When we got back to his place I knew I shouldn’t be there. I knew this bed and this man weren’t mine to have. But I felt something I never felt before. Such a strong connection. I needed him.

He kissed me softly and things escalated pretty quickly. He asked if I was okay cause I looked nervous but I assured it was just very new for me to be doing something so wrong. He made it better though, his assurance was all i needed. Afterwards, I laid there and I couldn’t believe what had happened. Not only was the sex the best I ever had but the connection was indescribable. I needed him.

His situation was tough. His relationship wasn’t healthy. He wasn’t happy. He felt trapped and miserable. I understood. I told him to follow his heart. I always supported him. Whether it meant him staying with her and forgetting me. I knew this was possible when I involved myself in the situation.

Months went on and we’d see each other four times a week minimum. I started to wonder how he even made time for her. But I didn’t care. I deserved him, I knew I did. I knew I could make him happier. So I stuck around. To be a friend to him. 

As time went on things faded out with the two of them and he started to see I was still there for him. Through it all. Hearing about all of it. Giving advice. I sacrificed my happiness because I had hoped one day it would all be worth it. I had fallen deeply in love with him.

Years later we live together, we’re looking at engagement rings, and all of our friends are still in shock as to how we made it this far. When people ask my response is simply ” I knew I needed him from day one. There was something about him I knew I been missing my whole life.. now I wouldn’t trade any of it for nothing. We are who we are today because of the struggles”.

Anxiety is real.

People like me who suffer from anxiety are usually the types of people who go unnoticed.. the people with fake smiles and bright personalities. Outsiders do not get it. I don’t care what you say, unless you experience anxiety, you can’t even compare it to anything. Anxiety is feeling bad for putting yourself first.. anxiety is never enjoying a moment because you’re constantly thinking of the things that can possibly go wrong. Anxiety isn’t someone being shy, or rather latching for attention, because often you will not know someone has anxiety. Someone with anxiety wants to express their emotions and thoughts but can’t because they’re in constant fear of being rejected or embarrassed. Anxiety is replaying bad memories from your past and letting them take over you and consume your mind. Anxiety is the nights of screaming into your pillow, shaking, crying, and most of the time not even knowing the reasons why. Anxiety is real. So very real. 

What I learned dating someone with a different ethnicity/culture

We grew up completely different lives..

While a lot of things were similar, more were different. When you meet someone with different opinions or morals or point of views, you must not be quick to judge. Everyone grows up differently. Sometimes for better but sometimes for worse. When I met my soulmate I knew there were things I’d have to dig deep to figure out. A lot of the time at home lifestyles are very different. And parents raise their child differently than you. I had to open my mind and be understanding.. If you do your best to open your mind and try to put yourself in their shoes, you will get along better and help them grow significantly. 

We don’t have the same religious or culture..

It’s okay! At first it may be difficult. As a couple, you will probably argue and disagree on quite a few things but it is OK. Everyone will see things differently. What I learned is it’s okay not to agree on everything. It’s also okay to compromise and change your views. Growing up with different cultures can be exciting. Having both worlds is fun, different food, language, atmosphere. I learned to get comfortable fast and not be afraid of change. I always was nervous for change but once I experienced different things, I realized it’s fun!

We probably won’t get along sometimes..

Different ethnicity and cultures tend to have different perks.. some get angrier quicker, some are calmer, some are easy going, some take more things to heart than others, some feel differently. But at the end of the day we’re all human beings. We all have feelings, emotions, thoughts. We all have bad days good days hard days. I learned that while dating a man who has a short temper, it’s okay to let things go. While I used to be stubborn, I pick and chose my battles. It’s okay to apologize even if you’re right and to stop an argument before it escalates. People of different cultures may see things as bigger or smaller deals than others. Try your best to see yourself from another’s point of view..

Lastly, when it comes to racial comments and political debates, UNDERSTAND. 

I by no means am perfect. I have said things and thought things that weren’t right. But when I started dating someone from another ethnicity, everything changed. I met more people of different cultures, I saw more, I heard more, and it’s sad sometimes. My boyfriend came here at 4.. no choice, and he was forced to grow up in America. He didn’t know any better or know what that meant or what he would have to go through. But him as well as his four sisters were brought to this country to get a better life. As he grew older he started understanding more and more but still things were always blurry. Why he didn’t grow up like the kids in his class, why the white kids seemed to have better lives, more rights, freedom, more things, more love from their families. Over the years I have seen racial comments everywhere. Tv, commercials, in school, hearing adults talk. But I never really listened. Or thought it would ever affect me. Now at 20 years old, I finally see the clear aspects of it. I see the unfairness that a lot of people from different cultures have to go through. The hate and struggle. I see his friends who have been here over 40 years with children and families who are now in a scared position that they may get sent back to their country. Than I see my boyfriend, 24, who has been here twenty years and still doesn’t have the rights he deserves. He still doesn’t get the credit he deserves. Hard working and still has to deal with the struggle of not being “American”. To me, American is loving the country. The opportunity. And giving back to the country. 

When we have kids..

So when we have children, white and Hispanic, I will teach my child both languages, both cultures, both backgrounds. I will teach my child that is an American about the struggle and to be appreciative of the life they were given for some weren’t as lucky. I will teach my child to be open to all colors of people. My daughter or son will date someone regardless of the race, white black spanish anything they want. My child will learn about true love and how it brought together mommy and daddy regardless of our culture. My child will never know the word race and it will not matter. My child will be brought up with nothing but love and great knowledge so maybe our future generations, racism will never be a factor. It will be the norm. 

Nothing else ever really made sense but you and I did

I don’t know why the grass is green or the sky is blue or why we are taught things that we never use in life. But I know one thing that’s true, you and i make complete sense. 

Out of the million questions I’ve ever had that remain unanswered, you were the only thing that I never once doubted, that I never once had to question. You understood me and I understood you, it was something we didn’t even have to discuss it came naturally.

You know I worry a lot about a lot of little things, but you are never a worry of mine. I used to be scared to fall in love, I was scared I wouldn’t feel it so strongly or that I would get my heartbroken and remain cold.. but when I fell in love with you, it happened in the blink of an eye. Our love is something so real I never have to question. 

I don’t know if I believe in fairytales and all those things were taught growing up. I don’t know if everything happens for a reason or sometimes you get hurt because better things are coming your way. But I’m happy we wet  picked for one another, I’m happy you’re the one I get to spend forever with, I’m happy I get to spend a lifetime loving you. 

Nobody really understood us. They believed it was impossible for the two of us to ever last. Maybe we once believed that too, but when people looked at us together, they could feel it too. The connection, the vibrations, the love. We are crazy in love, when I look in your eyes I see our future together I see all the greatness. Before I met you, I was never scared to lose anyone or anything, but when I laid in your arms I realized I may lose apart of me if you ever left me. That’s when I realized I needed to let my guard down, I needed to let you in.

I’m so thankful everyday for being the girl you changed for. And I’m so thankful for you being the guy I changed for. We thought soulmates was made up before we met. But now, it all makes sense. I understand how it’s possible to love someone so much. To do anything for that person. To grow with that person. So thank you for being you, thank you for being my person that I’m lucky enough to spend forever with, thank you for being the one thing in my life that always made sense 

He was the person everyone told me “I’m not supposed to fall in love with”.. here’s why I disagree

He was furthest thing from perfect, perhaps he was misguided or he hadn’t found himself yet.. he was the baddest of all bad boys you could possibly imagine. He was the guy girls would drool over, and the guy who would say anything to get them into bed. He was the king of all the players themselves. He was toxic to a heart like mine. A heart so big and full of love to offer. A heart that’s already been hurt before but still hadn’t given up on love. 

When I met him, he wasn’t the typical guy I would go for. Usually I’d go for the nice guy with a little bit of an asshole personality or I’d go for the guy who would give me the world but wasn’t neccasirly my type.. I would always settle because I liked playing it safe. I wasn’t much of a risk taker and in fact I was usually the one breaking hearts, not getting my heart broken. Because it’s better to hurt than to be hurt. I now have a whole new perception on that.

He was the guy that everyone had warned me to never ever ever fall in love with or even give a chance too. But for once, I followed my heart.. when I met him, the circumstances were not healthy.. he had someone else and he was still playing the fields and I knew what I was in for. He was the player that could never give up his game. He lived in the clubs and once 2am hit he would find some girl to bring home to fill the empty void he had in his heart and wake up in the morning feeling satisfied physically but emotionally he was torn apart. He was a guy that I knew had to have burned before for him to get the way he was. Because when everyone saw him as this player dickhead, I saw a hurt soul.. a soul that wanted nothing more to find true love.

He didn’t believe me when I entered his life offering friendship at the least, someone to be there for him. To listen. To understand. To lean on. But as months gone by and he would test me, he soon realized I wasn’t going anywhere and he couldn’t wrap his head around why. To this day I still don’t think I ever gave him a full honest answer for why I couldn’t give up on him but here it is…

“He was different, yeah maybe in a bad way but I saw past it. I saw the good. I saw what he had to offer. I saw the potential. I saw the change he could achieve if he found someone worth fighting for. Someone worth his time. Someone he could trust and be loyal too. Someone who wouldn’t leave. Someone who would know his past and accept it to look forward to the future. Someone who could teach him balance. Someone who could ease the anger, the temper, the bad thoughts. Someone who wouldn’t just be a girl to sleep with and someone beautiful and someone to have fun with, instead he needed someone so much more than that. He needed a girl who was strong and powerful. He needed a girl who would point out his wrongs but help him fix them. He needed a girl who would fight to show him she was worth giving up the bad past for. He needed a girl who would change him. A girl who would get rid of the insecurities. A girl who would fall in love with his flaws. A girl who would kiss his battle scars that he got from that one fight when he was 17 and a girl who would lay on his chest and listen about the girls who have broke his heart. A girl who would be faithful, loyal, and honest at all times. A girl who wouldn’t throw his past in his face the second an argument arose. A girl who would be warmhearted, a girl who has a past too and knows what it’s like to be looked at differently for something that happened years a go. A girl who would trust him over anyone else because she knew he would never risk what they have. A girl who would make his body shake when she would kiss him and a girl whose soul connected to his when they would make love. A girl who would stand by him, make him a better person, make him believe in a bright future, and most of all love him forever.. that’s why I stood by him. Because of all these things. Because I saw past the things people said, the person people would make him out to be. I saw a prolonged future with this man and I refused to let anyone tell me differently”

Sure it wasn’t easy. I’m not saying I promised him forever and he changed overnight. It was a process. A long long long process. It took months, years of hurting myself a majority of the time sacrificing my emotions because I had to have faith. I had to believe. I had to never give up since I knew this man was my soulmate. Something in me sparked one night laying beside him, we were laying in bed about three months after we had met, he was still with someone else and playing the fields but we were laying there so comfortable and kissing skin on skin. And just talking about life and how things can change in the blink of an eye. We were talking about relationships and how we stay with someone we don’t think we even love because it’s just routine and you know you can get away with doing your thing and you know you wont get hurt by staying with comfortability. And we were laughing and smiling at the dumb things we’ve done in our past, and I looked over as I was laughing and you were just smiling at me and looking at me. And I looked over and you quickly turned away. In that moment, I fell in love with you. I fell in love with the player who was toxic for me. But perhaps it was all I ever needed. I held that I love you in for months and months. I kept our friendship which was so important to me. And I let you do your thing. Hoping one day, you’d have that moment of “wow I’m in love with her”

A year following, you did. Well at least I finally heard it from you. I think it had to have happened prior but I heard the words I’ve been waiting for. You were committed. You were ready to give me the world. You were ready to change 180. You were ready to love me and take care of me. You were ready to let me in to finally let you see what true love should feel like. We were finally happy for the first time in our lives with somebody. No confusion, or secrets, we knew everything and anything we could possibly know about one another.

So here we are my friends, three years later since we met. So to all of the girls out there who fall in love with the player. It’s not impossible. Every guy will change for the one girl they see as their forever. So don’t let others give you false hope or belief. If you see potential. And if the connection and love is there, be patient. Let time do its thing.