As long as I’m loving you, I could write forever

—->The day I met you, I couldn’t imagine us making it through a full day together. Here we are three years later and a day apart seems unimaginable. You came at the worst yet best time looking back at it now. I didn’t understand why timing was bringing you to me at the wrong time but now it all makes sense. It was the perfect time. You came at a time where I fully gave up on finding love. You came at a time where you were looking for nothing serious. It sounds like the absolute wrong timing, doesn’t it? 

We found friendship. Such a complex incredible friendship amongst us. We got to know each other, we gave advice on relationships, explained our likes and dislikes, talked about our ugly past that we couldn’t show to anyone because our scars were too deep, we knew one another from inside out. We had soon discovered we were the same person. We had similar painful heartbreaks, we’ve seen real horrible things happen, we have both been through more than we should have. 

Our friendship was enough back then, you had someone, I was still dating and looking around. But I started to see an ongoing habit. I’d realized I started blowing off dates, not putting myself out there, acting like I was already taken, and worst of all.. not being true to myself. And him, that was even worse, he had someone but he started making excuses saying he’s tired or out with the boys just to see me. To feel my touch. To kiss my lips. It was all wrong but between us, nothing else mattered. In the moments together, it was an indescribable feeling.

Once I admitted my feelings, i never thought I’d see him again. It started being less frequent and the texts took longer. Months went by and we kept in touch here and there. Than he left her. I gave up on dating. We left fate in gods hands.

Three years later, I can give my friends advice. I can give hope. I can say that I truly believe in love. I can say I believe in soulmates. It’s the best feeling. To know someone’s your one. To know that’s the person you want to spend forever with. To be so sure you wouldn’t have it any other way. That’s love.

How being the girl on the side ended up in my favor

He was poisonous.

He was sexy.

He was dangerous.

He was what I wanted.

He was everything I knew that was completely bad for me. He was risky and bold and I was calm and closed off. He was the definition of a bad boy with a charm but I didn’t care, I needed him. I craved him from my first glance. 

Across the room I could see his eyes set on me. With her by his side, everyone in the room could feel the tension, the adrenaline rush, the temptation of the two of us. Everytime she would look my way I knew it was out of jealousy. Her wavy hair, blue eyes, chubbier body in that black dress. Than I was across the room, blonde pinstraight hair, green eyes, make up done up, and a white tight dress that showed every detail of my curves, my high heels. 

He was a little taller than me, dark beautiful brown eyes, smile that lit up the room, lips that looked so tasteful.

This wasn’t me though. I never was the girl to look at someone who was taken. I never was the girl to want a man who belonged to someone else’s. But I couldn’t deny my feelings, my thoughts, my urge.

The night flew by and all I could think about was him. I needed to see him again. Weeks went by and I went back to the place I last saw him. I went with a few friends for a drink or two and just to let loose and enjoy time with the girls. Not  even having the slightest hope I would ever see him again..

There he was across the room. Looked more perfect than last I saw him. This time, he was only with a friend, there was no girl lingering on his arm. He looked happier, more relaxed. He looked more himself from my point of view. 

My friends told me to stay away but I couldn’t listen. I needed to talk to him. 

As me and the girls were dancing I felt a man come up behind me asking to dance, it was him.. we danced and laughed and we went back to a table to chat. 

He was like nobody I ever met before. I never felt such attraction to anyone else in my life. I knew I was wrong for feeling that way but it was out of my control. I asked once where the girl was and he responded it’s complicated and he’ll explain later if he could.. I smiled and took his hand as he led the way to his car.

When we got back to his place I knew I shouldn’t be there. I knew this bed and this man weren’t mine to have. But I felt something I never felt before. Such a strong connection. I needed him.

He kissed me softly and things escalated pretty quickly. He asked if I was okay cause I looked nervous but I assured it was just very new for me to be doing something so wrong. He made it better though, his assurance was all i needed. Afterwards, I laid there and I couldn’t believe what had happened. Not only was the sex the best I ever had but the connection was indescribable. I needed him.

His situation was tough. His relationship wasn’t healthy. He wasn’t happy. He felt trapped and miserable. I understood. I told him to follow his heart. I always supported him. Whether it meant him staying with her and forgetting me. I knew this was possible when I involved myself in the situation.

Months went on and we’d see each other four times a week minimum. I started to wonder how he even made time for her. But I didn’t care. I deserved him, I knew I did. I knew I could make him happier. So I stuck around. To be a friend to him. 

As time went on things faded out with the two of them and he started to see I was still there for him. Through it all. Hearing about all of it. Giving advice. I sacrificed my happiness because I had hoped one day it would all be worth it. I had fallen deeply in love with him.

Years later we live together, we’re looking at engagement rings, and all of our friends are still in shock as to how we made it this far. When people ask my response is simply ” I knew I needed him from day one. There was something about him I knew I been missing my whole life.. now I wouldn’t trade any of it for nothing. We are who we are today because of the struggles”.

here’s why no one else will ever compare to him. 

He knows me.

I’m not just saying like he’s knows me as in my favorite color or how I like my coffee. He knows me much deeper than that. He knows the ugly sides and the sensitive sides. He knows what to say and what to do. He knows what makes me tick and what can turn a bad day into a better one. He knows me, the real me, and accepts every ounce of it.

He cares.

I know you probably think a lot of guys can care for you. Love you. Promise you the world. Truth is, until I met him, I never let someone in completely. I never wanted to be cared for or loved or promised anything. Perhaps I didn’t care enough or whatever it was. It only meant something to me when he showed he cared, when he showed he loved me, when he showed me forever. 

He’s hard to deal with.

Puzzled as to why this is one of the things that stand out? He’s one of the hardest men I have ever come across but I’ve never loved any other man harder. He’s impossible sometimes and he drives me insane, but there’s nobody else I’d rather have. He’s complicated and well an a-hole sometimes, but I love every part of him. I accepted him for himself when I met him. One thing a lot of people struggle with. Not everything is going to be perfect, but if the love is strong enough, you will stay.

Lastly, marriage. 

He never was the type to be serious in relationships, nor have I. He’s dated a few girls for years/months at a time and maybe marriage came up in small talk but it was never the near future plan. I have dated guys for long periods of time but not one could I picture spending the rest of my life with and going through tough times with. Than we met each other, we fell in love and we can’t wait to get married as soon as possible. We’d do it today if we could. It’s not even a question or doubt. He’s my person. I’m his. And this, this is what it’s like to meet your forever person.