As long as I’m loving you, I could write forever

—->The day I met you, I couldn’t imagine us making it through a full day together. Here we are three years later and a day apart seems unimaginable. You came at the worst yet best time looking back at it now. I didn’t understand why timing was bringing you to me at the wrong time but now it all makes sense. It was the perfect time. You came at a time where I fully gave up on finding love. You came at a time where you were looking for nothing serious. It sounds like the absolute wrong timing, doesn’t it? 

We found friendship. Such a complex incredible friendship amongst us. We got to know each other, we gave advice on relationships, explained our likes and dislikes, talked about our ugly past that we couldn’t show to anyone because our scars were too deep, we knew one another from inside out. We had soon discovered we were the same person. We had similar painful heartbreaks, we’ve seen real horrible things happen, we have both been through more than we should have. 

Our friendship was enough back then, you had someone, I was still dating and looking around. But I started to see an ongoing habit. I’d realized I started blowing off dates, not putting myself out there, acting like I was already taken, and worst of all.. not being true to myself. And him, that was even worse, he had someone but he started making excuses saying he’s tired or out with the boys just to see me. To feel my touch. To kiss my lips. It was all wrong but between us, nothing else mattered. In the moments together, it was an indescribable feeling.

Once I admitted my feelings, i never thought I’d see him again. It started being less frequent and the texts took longer. Months went by and we kept in touch here and there. Than he left her. I gave up on dating. We left fate in gods hands.

Three years later, I can give my friends advice. I can give hope. I can say that I truly believe in love. I can say I believe in soulmates. It’s the best feeling. To know someone’s your one. To know that’s the person you want to spend forever with. To be so sure you wouldn’t have it any other way. That’s love.

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This is how I fall in love with every version of him

He wasn’t the person he was when I met him three years back, although I loved that person.. the person I saw him grow into is far more incredible.

When I first met him, I saw a version of him that was scared of commitment, who hated the word love, who didn’t do relationships, who hadn’t yet even found himself and loved himself so he was incapable of loving another human being. I saw a man who has been through too much his heart could handle, and the scars showed the hurt and the way his eyes would avoid mine in fear of feeling.

When I first met him he was closed off. He refused to let me in even the slightest bit other than intimacy. I wasn’t looking for a fling, nor a relationship but he kind of just fell into my lap. With him, I wanted to build a friendship first.. I knew that was the only way to get to his heart.

First things first he had to cut things off with his girlfriend, once that was out of the way I knew it would still be a battle.. months went by and constant back and forth but one thing never changed, I never left him feeling alone. And even when he would tell me to leave him alone and he needs to focus on his relationship or himself or whatever it was, I would still be there at the end of the day, and in time he saw that. The consistency.

We started dating and I saw another version of himself. A man who was petrified to fall. A man who convinced himself and everyone else but me that he wasn’t a relationship kind of guy. I begged to differ. I knew he wasn’t ready for stable consistent love, but unconditional love was all he needed.

Over time, he started to notice the little things I would do. The way I would look at him. The way I would kiss him. The way I would listen to him. Still, he denied any type of love, which I still, understood from his rocky past.

I sacrificed my happiness for a long time in the process with him. I spent nights crying and confused as to why he did the things he did. I tried my best not to let it get to me or to just leave him, but I couldn’t. He was it. He was my work in progress. He was something worth waiting and fighting for.

Overnight it clicked. I had left him after countless times of telling him I loved him. Countless nights waiting up for him to get home from the club, countless nights of questioning his motives. I left. And that’s when it all clicked. He loved me. He had loved me for awhile but he never had the fear of losing me. He never knew it was real love. He never knew the feeling of absence of another human being until I left him. 

Now three years later, I have seen about 15 different versions of the man he is, I love every one of them. He is my bestfriend, soulmate, forever. Love isn’t easy. Love isn’t simple. Love isn’t always roses and fairytales. It’s hard. You need to want it bad enough. You need to know the person is the one you want forever with. And if that person is your forever, they will come around. You must be patient for the things you want in life. You must be ready to accept any challenge the two of you could possibly face together. You two must be strong enough and passionate enough to want to face a million and one more challenges TOGETHER.. love.. you must know what the word means. You must know the person who makes you believe “love”..