As long as I’m loving you, I could write forever

—->The day I met you, I couldn’t imagine us making it through a full day together. Here we are three years later and a day apart seems unimaginable. You came at the worst yet best time looking back at it now. I didn’t understand why timing was bringing you to me at the wrong time but now it all makes sense. It was the perfect time. You came at a time where I fully gave up on finding love. You came at a time where you were looking for nothing serious. It sounds like the absolute wrong timing, doesn’t it? 

We found friendship. Such a complex incredible friendship amongst us. We got to know each other, we gave advice on relationships, explained our likes and dislikes, talked about our ugly past that we couldn’t show to anyone because our scars were too deep, we knew one another from inside out. We had soon discovered we were the same person. We had similar painful heartbreaks, we’ve seen real horrible things happen, we have both been through more than we should have. 

Our friendship was enough back then, you had someone, I was still dating and looking around. But I started to see an ongoing habit. I’d realized I started blowing off dates, not putting myself out there, acting like I was already taken, and worst of all.. not being true to myself. And him, that was even worse, he had someone but he started making excuses saying he’s tired or out with the boys just to see me. To feel my touch. To kiss my lips. It was all wrong but between us, nothing else mattered. In the moments together, it was an indescribable feeling.

Once I admitted my feelings, i never thought I’d see him again. It started being less frequent and the texts took longer. Months went by and we kept in touch here and there. Than he left her. I gave up on dating. We left fate in gods hands.

Three years later, I can give my friends advice. I can give hope. I can say that I truly believe in love. I can say I believe in soulmates. It’s the best feeling. To know someone’s your one. To know that’s the person you want to spend forever with. To be so sure you wouldn’t have it any other way. That’s love.

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This is how I fall in love with every version of him

He wasn’t the person he was when I met him three years back, although I loved that person.. the person I saw him grow into is far more incredible.

When I first met him, I saw a version of him that was scared of commitment, who hated the word love, who didn’t do relationships, who hadn’t yet even found himself and loved himself so he was incapable of loving another human being. I saw a man who has been through too much his heart could handle, and the scars showed the hurt and the way his eyes would avoid mine in fear of feeling.

When I first met him he was closed off. He refused to let me in even the slightest bit other than intimacy. I wasn’t looking for a fling, nor a relationship but he kind of just fell into my lap. With him, I wanted to build a friendship first.. I knew that was the only way to get to his heart.

First things first he had to cut things off with his girlfriend, once that was out of the way I knew it would still be a battle.. months went by and constant back and forth but one thing never changed, I never left him feeling alone. And even when he would tell me to leave him alone and he needs to focus on his relationship or himself or whatever it was, I would still be there at the end of the day, and in time he saw that. The consistency.

We started dating and I saw another version of himself. A man who was petrified to fall. A man who convinced himself and everyone else but me that he wasn’t a relationship kind of guy. I begged to differ. I knew he wasn’t ready for stable consistent love, but unconditional love was all he needed.

Over time, he started to notice the little things I would do. The way I would look at him. The way I would kiss him. The way I would listen to him. Still, he denied any type of love, which I still, understood from his rocky past.

I sacrificed my happiness for a long time in the process with him. I spent nights crying and confused as to why he did the things he did. I tried my best not to let it get to me or to just leave him, but I couldn’t. He was it. He was my work in progress. He was something worth waiting and fighting for.

Overnight it clicked. I had left him after countless times of telling him I loved him. Countless nights waiting up for him to get home from the club, countless nights of questioning his motives. I left. And that’s when it all clicked. He loved me. He had loved me for awhile but he never had the fear of losing me. He never knew it was real love. He never knew the feeling of absence of another human being until I left him. 

Now three years later, I have seen about 15 different versions of the man he is, I love every one of them. He is my bestfriend, soulmate, forever. Love isn’t easy. Love isn’t simple. Love isn’t always roses and fairytales. It’s hard. You need to want it bad enough. You need to know the person is the one you want forever with. And if that person is your forever, they will come around. You must be patient for the things you want in life. You must be ready to accept any challenge the two of you could possibly face together. You two must be strong enough and passionate enough to want to face a million and one more challenges TOGETHER.. love.. you must know what the word means. You must know the person who makes you believe “love”.. 

What I learned dating someone with a different ethnicity/culture

We grew up completely different lives..

While a lot of things were similar, more were different. When you meet someone with different opinions or morals or point of views, you must not be quick to judge. Everyone grows up differently. Sometimes for better but sometimes for worse. When I met my soulmate I knew there were things I’d have to dig deep to figure out. A lot of the time at home lifestyles are very different. And parents raise their child differently than you. I had to open my mind and be understanding.. If you do your best to open your mind and try to put yourself in their shoes, you will get along better and help them grow significantly. 

We don’t have the same religious or culture..

It’s okay! At first it may be difficult. As a couple, you will probably argue and disagree on quite a few things but it is OK. Everyone will see things differently. What I learned is it’s okay not to agree on everything. It’s also okay to compromise and change your views. Growing up with different cultures can be exciting. Having both worlds is fun, different food, language, atmosphere. I learned to get comfortable fast and not be afraid of change. I always was nervous for change but once I experienced different things, I realized it’s fun!

We probably won’t get along sometimes..

Different ethnicity and cultures tend to have different perks.. some get angrier quicker, some are calmer, some are easy going, some take more things to heart than others, some feel differently. But at the end of the day we’re all human beings. We all have feelings, emotions, thoughts. We all have bad days good days hard days. I learned that while dating a man who has a short temper, it’s okay to let things go. While I used to be stubborn, I pick and chose my battles. It’s okay to apologize even if you’re right and to stop an argument before it escalates. People of different cultures may see things as bigger or smaller deals than others. Try your best to see yourself from another’s point of view..

Lastly, when it comes to racial comments and political debates, UNDERSTAND. 

I by no means am perfect. I have said things and thought things that weren’t right. But when I started dating someone from another ethnicity, everything changed. I met more people of different cultures, I saw more, I heard more, and it’s sad sometimes. My boyfriend came here at 4.. no choice, and he was forced to grow up in America. He didn’t know any better or know what that meant or what he would have to go through. But him as well as his four sisters were brought to this country to get a better life. As he grew older he started understanding more and more but still things were always blurry. Why he didn’t grow up like the kids in his class, why the white kids seemed to have better lives, more rights, freedom, more things, more love from their families. Over the years I have seen racial comments everywhere. Tv, commercials, in school, hearing adults talk. But I never really listened. Or thought it would ever affect me. Now at 20 years old, I finally see the clear aspects of it. I see the unfairness that a lot of people from different cultures have to go through. The hate and struggle. I see his friends who have been here over 40 years with children and families who are now in a scared position that they may get sent back to their country. Than I see my boyfriend, 24, who has been here twenty years and still doesn’t have the rights he deserves. He still doesn’t get the credit he deserves. Hard working and still has to deal with the struggle of not being “American”. To me, American is loving the country. The opportunity. And giving back to the country. 

When we have kids..

So when we have children, white and Hispanic, I will teach my child both languages, both cultures, both backgrounds. I will teach my child that is an American about the struggle and to be appreciative of the life they were given for some weren’t as lucky. I will teach my child to be open to all colors of people. My daughter or son will date someone regardless of the race, white black spanish anything they want. My child will learn about true love and how it brought together mommy and daddy regardless of our culture. My child will never know the word race and it will not matter. My child will be brought up with nothing but love and great knowledge so maybe our future generations, racism will never be a factor. It will be the norm.