How I fell for my fwb(friends w benefits) without even realizing it..

When I met him, I saw a man that was hardworking, sweet, kind, and not looking for anything serious either.. He was a bad boy but something about him drew me in. Maybe it was the way he carried himself or the way he would smile at me.. I was so intrigued. I needed to know more. From the start, we made it clear we both weren’t looking for a relationship or anything serious for that matter. It was just going to be “for fun”. And that it was.

We became bestfriends overnight it felt like. We were so open and honest with one another and it was relieving being around someone who knew your intentions and didn’t expect the world from you. It was exciting and new and we both just wanted to enjoy what we had while it lasted. I was myself around him, I didn’t have to pretend or fake something I wasn’t. I was able to laugh and smile and goof around with him, that undeniably scared me. But I ignored it. The friendship we grew in such a short time was one I realized I was scared to lose.. And this is when I began to worry.. Was I falling for him?

Being comfortable with someone else is an amazing feeling. Not having to hide any parts of you and being able to talk to them about anything, its kind of just.. calming. After a few months of talking and hanging out here and there, I found out he had someone else. In that moment, I realized, “well shit.. I think I may be in love with him”.. it was crazy and I convinced myself I was losing it and who was I to have anything to say or to judge based on the situation.. I was a nobody. I was simply his bestfriend. I dated around and what not while we talked, but it was never the same. With him, I felt like I was on cloud nine. I felt like nothing else in the world mattered. I realized.. we had broke all the rules fwb are suppose to do.. Now what?

After all, we broke every single rule the more I looked at it. We became so comfortable with one another, we would find ourselves cuddling skin on skin and laughing and kissing.. We found ourselves sending random texts throughout the week when something good happens or you saw something that made you think of them..We began to get bothered when they wouldn’t answer our message right away, lowkey wondering what are they doing?is she with him?is he with her? are they thinking about me? Countless amounts of questions wed never admit. We began to rather hangout with one another instead of go out to dinner with our dates, or go to a party, or anything else.. because quality time was just “more fun”.We began being there for each other a lot more emotionally and realized no one quite understood us like one another.

Months and months go by, and suddenly one random night, we look at each other and realize we fell in love. Absolutely not on purpose, without plan, without even trying. We fell helplessly in love with one another. And that my friends.. is how you fall in love with your bestfriend without even noticing it.

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The girl I was before you..

I was always so independent, I took pride in that. While everyone was getting mixed up in their love fantasies, I was kind of just sitting back… wondering how you could give your all to someone with the high chance they can take it all and leave you with nothing but a broken heart. I never believed in finding the one, or fate, or that when you meet someone you’ll just know. It all seemed too unbelievable.

I guess growing up with two older brothers, I saw it all. I saw what boys could do and couldn’t do. I saw what boys were capable of. I saw the difference between a boy loving a girl and wanting a girl. I saw everything I did and didn’t want in a man.. so I refused to settle. I dated of course, I had my share of random flings and I liked a lot of “boys”.. notice how I say “boys” they weren’t men. I knew that. So I guess I never even gave them a shot because I wasn’t good at “falling in love”.. it just never seemed right. 

Than I met you. My whole world turned upside down. You were my perfect man. There was no running from it or denying it. People could see it in my eyes when I would speak of you, I finally fell in love. And it was so real. Not a fake love. Or fling. Or anything like that. I knew from the moment I met you, I was going to fall in love with you.

It’s not that you brought out the best in me or made me happy, not that you didn’t do those things but it was so much more to that. It was something I still to this day cannot put in words. You made me feel alive. You made me feel like I was the best thing that ever walked into your life. You made me see the beauty in being in love. You made sense when everything else in my life simply did not. 

It wasn’t all so simple at first.. we had our share of fights, breakups, disagreements, and rough times.. but we always found our way back to one another. No matter what was said or what had happened, we made it work. You made me let down my tough strong exterior, and I let you in. You made me feel safe and secure. You made me see a future and look forward to things like a house and family. You made everyday a whole lot brighter. 

Neither of us are even close to perfect but my god do we try to be for each other. We may seem a little crazy and psychotic to most people and that’s okay. We may not always see eye to eye and that’s okay. We may have a ton of differences and that’s okay. But one thing never changes the love we have for each other. We may not have it all together, but together we have it all baby. People would kill to have what we have.

Until you meet the one..

Until you meet the one you wont get goosebumps down your spine and you wont feel a warm sensation running through your body. Until you meet the one a kiss will just be a kiss and I love you will just be words.. Until you meet the one you wont know the difference between infatuation and love. Until you meet the one you wont know the truth behind true heartbreak. Until you meet the one you wont understand the feeling of needing another human being.

Because weve all been through it. We meet someone and they give us butterflies and we fall in love with the idea of falling in love with them, but it never happens. We try and try and try till we cant try anymore but its simply not meant to be. We kiss them and smother them and spend every given moment with them, but still I love you isn’t in our vocabulary, its just not there.

Than you meet the one and suddenly butterflies become a zoo. The one makes you laugh uncontrollably and smile so much your cheeks hurt. The one will instantly make you feel safe in their arms and youll know theres nowhere else youd rather be. The one will make you fall more and more everyday. The one will kiss your imperfections and put you on a pedestal. The one will make saying I love you so god damn easy. The one will be clear as day when you meet them, so never settle for something average. Strive for your happy ending.

Open letter to his ex’s who let him go

I know all about you guys, I know mainly the bad parts but I also know some of the good. You probably assume he only tells me(the new girl), the worst things but youre wrong.. This is one of many reasons, hes with me, not you.. You assume. You think the lowest of him and you look down upon him. I have been with him for quite a few years now and I really don’t understand how anyone could let a man like him go. Than again, I feel as if I have a side of him nobody ever got to experience. For that, I am so grateful.

I know you guys have tried reaching out to him, its been months, years but you throw him a text to say hello or ask how hes doing. Or maybe you reach out because you realize you messed up or you see hes doing well and you want him back. I know you guys enough to know you wanted the satisfaction of getting a rise out of him and any kind of reply just to see if his feelings are still there. I also know you’re starting to realize that its different with me unlike the other girls he dated after you that he would mess around with until you guys would get back, I know you’re starting to realize hes not going to take the chance of messing things up with me.

I’m not sitting here trying to act like I am better than you or prettier than you or smarter than you. But I am sitting here letting you know he loves me more than he ever did with either of you. I love him more and more each day and I never let it slip, I never let him question my love for him, or especially my trust. I didn’t come into his life by meeting him at a club.. I didn’t come into his life by begging for a title.. I didn’t come into his life bringing him craziness or stress or a tiring relationship. I came into his life calmly and peacefully. I came into his life offering nothing but friendship and with that, we fell helplessly in love.

You probably assume hes going to screw me over and hurt me the way he did to you. Welp, wrong again. Ive heard countless amounts of stories and by the looks of the way you present yourself, I don’t understand how you expected him or anyone for that matter to ever respect you. I treat him with respect and loyalty, and that’s what he gives me in return.

But all in all, as much as it makes me itch at the thought of all of you, I no longer let any of it get to me. I don’t hate you or dislike you or am out to get you. Because I won. Whether you will ever admit it or not. You guys got the boy and I got the man. I get to wake up beside him every morning and kiss him goodnight each night. I want to thank you for hurting him and showing him the worst kind of “love” possible, because I was the one who was able to really love him and give him what he deserved. I am the one by his side. And I am the one who has the privilege of spending forever in his arms.

Love isn’t supposed to be easy

This is the excerpt for a placeholder post.

Growing up we are taught that love is everything. That love will take away any problem you are going through or take away any kind of stress you have. We are taught love can turn our world inside out and make it perfect. We are taught love will be easy and fall into our laps when its ready too. I’m here to tell you why I disagree. I’m here to say that love isn’t all magic or fairytales or full of happily ever afters.

We think the second there is a problem in a relationship we should walk away, “it shouldn’t hurt to love right?” Wrong. So wrong. If it doesn’t hurt when your other is upset or angry or stressed, you don’t really love them. If your hurting when you get in a fight, youre doing it all right. Love is compromise, love is arguing and saying sorry ten minutes later because nothing is worth staying mad at, love is ugly words you know they don’t mean when theyre hurt by your actions or something you said, love is listening to them, being patient with them, forgiving them. Love is trusting them no matter who tries to get in the way or tear you guys apart(there will always be someone). Love is supporting them and never giving up.

Often.. people look for love in the wrong ways or places. First things first, never go looking for someone to love, you will not find them that way. People look for someone to fill the void of loneliness. People look for somebody to help them with insecurity issues or someone to take care of them or someone to support them financially, someone to make sadness go away from their past or present relationships with others. I see it everyday. People don’t even realize theyre not really in love until eventually one day youre confused as to why things didn’t work out? Because where was the real love? Where was the connection? The passion? The effort? The true love feeling?

Most people run the second things get rough. I, myself am guilty of this. The second you see bad overriding the god, you bounce, assuming there is no saving the relationship. I learned my lesson. Slow down. Don’t run away. Stay. Argue,bicker,yell,cry, let it all out. Just stay. Hear each other out. Communicate!! Stay because deep down you know theyre your person. Stay because you need them. Stay because you need to get through the bad to get to the good.

Love isn’t easy nor simple. Its messy, complicated, and chaotic. Its a constant rollercoaster of ups and downs. Its a journey that you never know what can be thrown at the two of you, but you have faith you can get through anything together. You need to look at the person you love and know there is no one else youd rather ride this journey with. And mean it. Love is beautiful at times but you need to be ready to face the ugly. You need to dig deep in one another and be prepared for anything. You both need to hurt and cry and understand ones flaws, to see if the love is really true.

Love is waking up everyday beside your person and falling in love more than yesterday. You never think its possible, but somehow it happens. Love is choosing the same person everyday no matter how difficult and a pain in the ass they can be. Love is knowing theres a billion options out there, but still only having eyes for your person. Love is a constant battlefield, it requires effort but most of all, it requires staying true. Love is looking at the person in the eyes and knowing nobody in the world couldn’t even come slightly close to comparing to them. “When I met you, I knew you were nowhere near perfect or easy to love, but I knew you perfect for me”. You must know what love is to feel it. You must find the one, your soulmate, your person before you can even understand the feeling. But my god, once you find it, cherish it, never take it for granted, fight for it, and embrace every moment.. Because not everyone is lucky enough to find true love. So if you do, never let it go.